Polyglot writer, artist, critical, honest, kind, clumsy, serious, silly, sensitive, gentle

Self care is a way of accepting one's self, a way of recognising the fact that one is valuable and that life can sometimes be brutal and incomprehensible. It's the opposite of the shame. Shame cannot survive if we have self-care towards ourselves. It's about a desire to relieve one's own suffering and it's therefore a motivating power for growth and change.  Even though most of us are worried about being nice to other people, we tend to be more harsh and critical towards ourselves. We simply have to realise that we are not perfect and  recognise our mistakes and learn from them, to have a friendly relationship with our weaknesses and wrongs, and take the initiative to make necessary changes in our life to feel better. When one doesn't blame themself for failing, one recognises more easily their mistakes and dares to take new challenges. This protects from excessive thinking, anger and isolation and gives a higher happiness degree, optimism and positive feeli...

In a society that is based on performance, defects and mistakes are seen as negative things. But at the same time it's difficult imagining a life without mistakes and failures. Failures themself carry us to learning and making less mistakes next time or in the future. This way, a person has more knowledge about what they have to do differently. People that achieved success have very often a story with many attempts and fails. Making mistakes is human.  REFLECTION: What effect do you think would have on your life, being less scared to make mistakes? Is there something that you would have dared to do, or would have done differently? Maybe you can try to make a mistake on purpose and see what consequences that has? What effect does observing other people's mistakes have on you? Does this make you think differently about them? Keeping things secret, keeping quiet and judging one's self create the feeling of shame.

Being vulnerable makes us feel things like fear and lack of security but also happiness and love. We can't cover the bad feelings without covering the good feelings too.  When specific feelings are avoided, the way to loneliness and depression is short. For some people pessimism becomes a lifestyle because it feels easier living in a deception instead of a rejection. One feels it's very risked having hope in something and expectations when one is scared to be hurt. Thoughts like I dont want to ask if I can go, it will for sure be very boring anyway  is a way of surviving. In reality, one could really want to go but the fear of hearing a no  prevents them from doing so/trying so. 

Perfectionism could be due to compensing the painful feeling of not being good enough, giving way more and appearing successfull. One lets the others define who one is depending on if they confirm or not. This results in a false face with false relationships. Which gives an empty inside feeling. It's a way of survival and protection managing one's value from exterior factors because of fear of not being accepted or good enough. 

Vulnerability  An individualist society that is based in performance, where everyone is responsible for their own succes tells us that if we're not good enough, unique and perfect, we failed. In a country like Norway, everything is available to have success and if someone doesn't do their best or use their potential to the maximum, then they are to blame. This is why one falls so deeply and their failing has to be lived alone or hidden. The result can be self contempt. One becomes isolated, feels different and lonely. That's why it's believed that when people, espcially young people have persistent agitations, exhaustion and depressive moods, they are having normal reactions to abnormal requirements. The difference between self-confidence & self esteem Self confidence is about who you are, what you are and what you achieved meanwhile self esteem is about who you are indepentently of exterior factors.  Self-esteem is a lasting vision of one's self worth, ...

Whenever you doubt yourself and of your value, take a look at this list and remember that it is the truth:  I am valuable! I have been since I was born and I will always be I have a righteous voice. I have the right to express what I think I have the right to express my values and attitudes I have the right to show that my needs are equally as important as those of other human beings I have the right to have feelings and to express them I have to right to be taken seriously and listened to It's my right to be respected It's my right deciding if I want to satisfy other people's expectatives I have the right to act how I want to as long as this doesn't inflict any harm to others I have the right to be imperfect I have the right to make mistakes It's my right to change my mind It's my right to say that I don't understand or that I don't know It's my right to not take responsibility for other people's problems I have t...

When we dare to show all our sides, even those who we don't accept, we're vulnerable to criticizm and judgment, and even to rejection. But it's also only when we really show who we are that we can feel true affiliation. It's all about accepting that not everyone can accept us/love us. What's most important is that you love ourself because this way you have the ability to take care of yourself when someone hurts you. Forgiving liberates yourself not the one who hurt you.  REFLECTION: Who makes us feel well? What do you think is good for you in that relationship? What do you think of yourself when you are with that  person? How does the relationship affect you and what do you give in return?

Our meetings we other human beings leave deep marks in us. When we are received as we would want to be received, loved without having to prove ourselves or do something to deserve it, we can dare to move along in the world just as we are without having to demonstrate anything.  In cases of criticism or rejection, the majority will have a defensive reaction or need to reject in return or criticize in return. Our capacity to stay calm and think in a positive way about other people's intentions determins if we react with shame or not. Rejection gets added to our subconscious and unleashes with other persons later in life. ''The alarm gets off even if there isn't any fire.'' When one is sensitive to getting rejected, rejecting first can seem safer, this way the risk of being rejected is reduced. MENTALIZATION AND RELATIONSHIPS Mentalization is about understanding one's own and other people's feelings and thoughts as well as their motives and reasons ...

I wonder if God ever knew that there would be such a big amount of hypocrisy in human beings? That every other thing at this time is based on hypocrisy.. ?

Querido dios, aprendí muchísimo de ti y de las palabras que has mandado a que oyéramos y entendiéramos. Todas sabidurías, buenos ejemplos pero sobre todo mucha bondad, amor al prójimo y compasión, entendimiento y aceptación. De veras hay que ser ciego para no verlo, ver que tus escrituras son las buenas, que cambian la vida de unos y al menos la perspectiva de otros. Rellena el interior tanta bondad y realidad. Es más que cierto cuando nombró tu hijo amado el que iban a llegar profetas tan falsos como las religiones que querrán promocionar. Lo dijiste y repetiste: 'Cuidado!', también dijo: de sus frutos los reconoceréis. No me explico el hecho de que tanta gente a la que deseo el bien y la felicidad cree en tal disparate! Ni tienen la culpa, nacieron a ello y es una mezcla de identidad, tradición y educación, todas cosas muy duras de abandonar. Simplemente al escuchar aquellos dichos, reglas y abrir el libro a una página hasta al azar, siempre se siembra odio, menosprecio y ...

The psychologist of development Mary Ainsworth claimed that during the first years of life (0-3years) the called *model of mental work* is added to one and others based on experiences we had with our parents. In that place, informations about if one can trust his nearest beings are added; this has a big meaning for how one will see others later in life - if they wish us good or bad.  If one translates the acts of an adult person in a negative way, one can have thoughts as ''I don't deserve love'', ''I am nothing'' or ''I wish I didn't exist''. THE AFFILIATION MODEL FOR CHILDREN A good interaction between the child and the adult is important for positive feelings and reinforces the capacity to regulate them. The sentimental development during the first 3 years of the child are about getting to know his own feelings, learn to tolerate them and express them in an adequate manner and differentiate own feelings from other's f...

Some people have difficulty tolerating and expressing their own feelings. To some, the situation of not being understood in difficult moments can make this happen. Hiding their feelings is a solution for them to protect these from being rejected again. RUNNING AWAY FROM FEELINGS One of the biggest features of mental illenesses is the avoiding technique. They can for example get an anguish reaction, from the fear of what others might think of them in a social context, which makes is difficult to notice the positive signals. One can be so scared of being evaluated by somebody that they avoid situations where they risk meeting people. Feelings give signals of danger when there is no actual danger. Mindfulness is one of various methods where getting to know and understand one's own feelings, thoughts and corporal reactions in a new way is the main goal.  One has to listen to his inside in an accepting maner contrarly to the fact of controlling, denying and avoiding what they f...